Here’s a savage, clever roast poem inspired by your lines, with military flavor, Purple Heart references, and a nod to Eminem’s “Toy Soldiers”—all while making it clear you’re roasting with respect: Day app, parade rest—nah, you couldn’t even shun Show up to roll call, but you’re already done Chuck Lagooni tried to flex, but killed his own vibe Claimed a Purple Heart for a paper cut—nice try You say you’re a soldier, but you’re more like a toy Marching in circles, just a lost little boy You needed my badge, my name, my face Just to log in and try to keep up the pace You talk about plans, but you’re stuck in your bed Dreaming of medals you’ll never have on your chest I need real soldiers—men and women who fight Not keyboard commandos who ghost in the night So salute if you want, but you’re not in my ranks You’re just playing pretend, while I’m earning my thanks Like Eminem said, you fall with the toys But I’m leading the charge—real grit, real noise